Nixta Sinks

The hairy aging old resident of Jacob's Room proposes that we vet the corporal punishment system in the US (or THEM as I prefer to call it) by suggesting that a jury be held responsible for its actions by way of putting them to death if it's subsequently shown that the convicted and executed suspect was after all innocent of the terrible crimes of which they were accused.

If I understand correctly, JR's proposing eradicating the death penalty by making the incompetent and foolish responsible for their own lives. Fear alone will preclude any more convictions going through, and no-one in power will agree to such reform. Or to put it another way, if a suspect were found guilty, where would that leave the judgementalists hired to whack him or her? Come now. If one man is executed and then it's shown that he's innocent, then 12 citizens will be put to sleep. Who dies if it turns out the guy was guilty after all? Do we pick out 144 self-righteous cocksuckers who rallied visciously to get the dozen jury WASPs removed and have a go at them now? And besides, it's worthless since Michael Jackson can't be put down that way because he avoids jury duty by virtue of being surrounded by oily sand now.

Which begs the next question, actually, aren't you putting lower classes on the line here since we all know they're the only ones that end up on jury duty in the THEM? By lower classes, I am of course talking in Um Er I Can terms, that is to say, poorer classes. The middle-rich and rich classes of the THEM of Um Er I Car will never be culled just as they never serve on juries. Jury duty is just an escape from the Walmart checkout these days anyway (anyone who takes that literally should be put down out of kindness, so shut up or shut down).

Now, I'm all in favour (aiii') of population control, but this is a little harsh, n'est-ce pas? Fair enough, it's perhaps to some people no more harsh than my plan of another couple of world-wars fought old-school (complete with two-for-one old-school patriotism), but it will all but eradicate corporal punishment, and if that's the aim, as it should be, then there are few less plausible ways of achieving this.

Let's take a scenario: We find ourselves in a THEM of A that is compassionate, liberal, thoughtful, and consistent. There's no monkey-pres with his baby-eating fatfarm sucking his cock day in day out, delivering uplifting speeches to the troops in Baghdadurditon on Tigris before hopping on monkey-pres' plane over to Thailand to get some. No, of course it's not going to happen, but we can dream. Or cream. Dreaming is a start though.

The cunts will still be religious up the wazoo, but they'll read between the lines of all that Jesus Jazz and decide that yeah, we can show some restraint (I nearly wrote compassion), and nah, we don't really have the right to take lives like that. Justice is not death by injection after a year or two of torture from lawyers. It's not Bar Exams leading to an even trade on the eye-market. Perhaps those clever Lutherans will invent a cheek-turning device. Something like what you see in a kebab shop. Punishment meted out without death. I'll clarify briefly - don't let suspects run amock murdering while you turn the other cheek, but don't fargin' kill them.

True, as Jacob's Room says, a murderer forfeits all right to membership of society the moment they murder. They should not live. They in fact should never have been born, and that's the trick. It's not for us to take their lives. That's for God to do, but the confusion arises that the "power vested in ye" is not conferred by God. It's conferred by some very confused and old system that doesn't know its arse from its elbow any more. The laws are so convoluted that one must turn to precedent more than logic to enforce them, which means that you're actually turning to an older brain than your own that helped to define the muddle of the current legal world in an age that was simpler. You take an entropic moment in the history of the legal profession as a guide for today's decision. That's the way of the future!

I don't think them ole Greek boys would have approved of that: "Cockocles showed in the case of Fellatiplease vs Stabros of 427BC that greasing a buttock before intrusion was much less effective under the Theuclidian Blanket than whacking with a thoroughly drenched olive branch against both rumps for 5 degrees of the sundial". No, they'd have just said "Well, it's not agains the law to bugger your youngsters, so do it however's easiest.". Laws: Set down to define how to react and act under predefined circumstances. Not some perpetual cash machine for educated double-glazing salesmen.

I'll finish by summarising, as is often best. Especially for those who failed to read all the crap above (though I urge you to do so because each word you read brings me goggle ad revenue).

If you want to have a sensible judicial system, don't put trust in it if the average layman can't understand it and that you can terminate someone's existence on this earth based on their confusion. If you feel you must mete out terrible vengeance, consider whether you really are a cretin or christian or whatever. I concentrate on the bastard religion of Christianity here because it's in their name that Um Er I Care is run these days and it's a travesty to the good Christianity on this planet that it is. Christjacked if you will. One minute decreeing family values, marriage, and godliness, the next taxing the married at a greater level, murdering convicted criminals (depending, HA HA HA, on the circumstances of what geopolitical subsection of the country they were tried in, not even arrested in), and embarking on personal crusades against powerful enemies in the name of short-term goals and bloody-minded idiocy. If you feel like God, or you act like God, you're probably doing something wrong, because the chances of you being God are pretty fucking small.

I had an interesting notion on the train back from Stansted today as I contemplated wreaking my omnipotence upon the train and its stinky inhabitants. What if God woke up tomorrow and thought "Eh up, lad" (because he's northern you see, amongst other things) "This is all a bit fucked up, isn't it? I mean, this turd in a pair of camos can wander up to this house with kiddies in it and just blow them to bits and no-one is going to do anything about it except for dad who was only injured who's now going to blow up all sorts of other shit. Hmm. What if the turd was dissuaded somehow in the first place? I know. From now on, whatever ill is inflicted by one person on another shall be inflicted right back at them without us bothering those wee humans and their human fallibility (they're not all Popes, after all)".

The next day, I lay my boot into the poor bastard on the floor, and my ear starts to bleed and I fall over all dizzy. Turd shoots up another family of the wrong kind of Arab, and all of a sudden he's bleeding on the floor and staring at his guts. Dennis Peterson sells another fucking timeshare to an unsuspecting granny and finds that his bank account is drained and his phone won't stop ringing, plus he's plagued by a nervous sinking feeling he's not felt since his sisted dug out his wank mags and presented them to his dad.

I tell you, that would put a whole new spin on bumfights.

No. No more vengeance. No more crusading. No more Washington Bullshit in the name of God. No more Lawyers. No more war. No more cunts. And lest I be misconstrued, that includes such rasping sandy cunts as old Hussein-Babes. God's new law shall be universal, regardless of church. Immediate, unambiguous, universally understood. Now stop blowing shit up and gassing one-another in the name of progress.