Nixta Sinks

Slovenia rebranded (thanks, Brand New)

I've given up on England. Outside London it's a shithole full of spewing fighting louts and in London they either stab you or shoot you. So, I will now officially call Slovenia my homeland, until England fixes itself up when I'll go back to 50-50. If Slovenia goes to pot, I'll be homelandless.

I was utterly unaware that Slovenia had rebranded. Seems that I need to get over there more often. Certainly though, the old logo was a piece of shit that had nothing to do with Slovenia. Some splotches of colour representing pretty flowers (there is a lot of unique flora there, but the logo don't say that).

Neither am I yet quite sure about this new one. Frankly, the whole thing's a bit too fucking gay. Big chunky logos, "Feel Love", Linden leaves and hearts. Should be a British Gas logo. They may as well just have a heart-shaped bulge in the front of a pair of rainbow-coloured spandex Speedos perched atop a mountain - it'd have the same effect. Hippies and ravers, again, weaving their lazy technicolour dreamdump on humanity in an effort to bring peace and love to everyone. It's shameless. It'll just encourage more wanky tourists, which is the last thing Slovenia wants or needs. Nice tourists, yes. Wanky puking stag-parties, no.

Slovenia has a history of being totally fucking gay in translation. Almost every tourist board pamphlet is translated in the kind of sickening gushing poetry that you'd expect if you were to get a small girl to write it in exchange for a candyfloss pony, only it's written by bulking mountain men and translated by tractor drivers. Rainbows of joy floating down the soft valley sides to settle on the calm inviting waters of the shimmering diamond lake below, like a small girl's eyes the moment before she cries for her mother, reflecting the gift of God's lovitude on the simple folk so blessed to live under his wing. God, I can't even parody it effectively. Imagine that, but with much more candy-floss and LSD.

Still, Brand New is a pretty good site.

[ Disclaimer: "gay" has been used here in the derogatory sense. Nixta.com and its affiliates have no homophobic tendencies. There's nothing wrong with the good gay - men holding hands (women that naturally look like men don't count and should never hold hands), the rough-and-tumble, wrestling, great dress sense, fabulous parties and cocktails, rampant rogering and trouser-sharing disco-dancing, remembering birthdays, splendid smooth muscular bodies on calendars, that kind of thing, but if I see another parade of fat pale hairy men in thongs I'll projectile puke them straight back to Germany, or if they also have beer to whichever frat party they escaped from ]

Labels: Rant, Slovenia