Nixta Sinks

Nixtasinks Readers' convention (in the dark)

Clearly desperate at the prospect of not having anything to entertain them in the cold winter months, my fine readership has of late embarked upon a concerted campaign of petitioning me to post something here again. Those wags of the WGA have threatened such stalwarty shows as Leno, Letterman, and (God, how I wish this were true) L'Oprah. Now, those that like to think ahead and prepare for our horrific winters have written at least one comment apiece urging me with varied politeness to write something up already. All right, you schmucks.

I know a screenwriter or two. OK, just one. But they're not in America, and so not one of those dyslexic wags that writes all that pap that we see over here in the states. They write for that other detestable nation of half-wits, the Brits, and I'd be being unkind if I were to refer to their output as pap. Oh wait, I do know one over here (and so do my two readers), but he's firmly entrenched in the New Media Revolution and so won't really serve my argument one jot.

My amusement at the comments on the BBC's piece about the strike served as a fine coffee substitute this morning. They're well worth reading and have been vetted/invented to provide a humorous dialog on the strike, which causal factors seem fairly reasonable on the face of it, taking into account the entertainment industry's pathological and paralytic fear of adopting technology (control-freak issues that they should really see a therapist about). You see, like your dear parents, the state of the industry for which these screenwriters work is the equivalent of your old man not being able to work the VCR or your dear mama not being able to send e-mails or decypher the radio times, except that your dad has already learnt how to do that and you mum can figure out what's on quite fine by now, thank you very much, and can probably send you an SMS about it too (although it'll probably be a TXT in her mind). They'd die otherwise, but people cling on as they get older. On and on and on, and there the industry slips right back into fitting the analogy, only they do it like a Nazi with a pair of Rottweiler (all three of which have just been kicked in the nuts for added pazazz).

I don't have much sympathy for the people behind American television. That said, I am addicted to it:

• The Simpsons
• Scrubs
• Southpark
• Curb Your Enthusiasm
• The Daily Show
• The Sarah Silverman Show
• Heroes (A guitly pleasure - it's often terrible)
• 30 Rock
• The Office

And if it wasn't for the advertisement-skipping facilities of my DVR I'd watch almost none (my TV is lucky to be in one piece given the adverts I've inadvertently seen). But it's all so safe in structure. In fact, it was the last WGA strike in 1988 that caused the last serious revolution in that (and a major devaluation of TV currency), when stations were forced to entertain us with the half-baked embryonic reality shows that required no writers, they created, out of desperation, a channel into a fascination and ratings rouser that until then hadn't been tapped. Writers have since worked out how to make that work under script (The Office, 30 Rock, and 24 are all high-profile examples), but if this strike means the Rise Of Road Rules and the return of MTV, I'm emigrating to Cheney's Venezuela (aka Paddington's Peru).

Labels: 30 Rock, Rant, strike, TV, Warts, WGA

Slovenia rebranded (thanks, Brand New)

I've given up on England. Outside London it's a shithole full of spewing fighting louts and in London they either stab you or shoot you. So, I will now officially call Slovenia my homeland, until England fixes itself up when I'll go back to 50-50. If Slovenia goes to pot, I'll be homelandless.

I was utterly unaware that Slovenia had rebranded. Seems that I need to get over there more often. Certainly though, the old logo was a piece of shit that had nothing to do with Slovenia. Some splotches of colour representing pretty flowers (there is a lot of unique flora there, but the logo don't say that).

Neither am I yet quite sure about this new one. Frankly, the whole thing's a bit too fucking gay. Big chunky logos, "Feel Love", Linden leaves and hearts. Should be a British Gas logo. They may as well just have a heart-shaped bulge in the front of a pair of rainbow-coloured spandex Speedos perched atop a mountain - it'd have the same effect. Hippies and ravers, again, weaving their lazy technicolour dreamdump on humanity in an effort to bring peace and love to everyone. It's shameless. It'll just encourage more wanky tourists, which is the last thing Slovenia wants or needs. Nice tourists, yes. Wanky puking stag-parties, no.

Slovenia has a history of being totally fucking gay in translation. Almost every tourist board pamphlet is translated in the kind of sickening gushing poetry that you'd expect if you were to get a small girl to write it in exchange for a candyfloss pony, only it's written by bulking mountain men and translated by tractor drivers. Rainbows of joy floating down the soft valley sides to settle on the calm inviting waters of the shimmering diamond lake below, like a small girl's eyes the moment before she cries for her mother, reflecting the gift of God's lovitude on the simple folk so blessed to live under his wing. God, I can't even parody it effectively. Imagine that, but with much more candy-floss and LSD.

Still, Brand New is a pretty good site.

[ Disclaimer: "gay" has been used here in the derogatory sense. Nixta.com and its affiliates have no homophobic tendencies. There's nothing wrong with the good gay - men holding hands (women that naturally look like men don't count and should never hold hands), the rough-and-tumble, wrestling, great dress sense, fabulous parties and cocktails, rampant rogering and trouser-sharing disco-dancing, remembering birthdays, splendid smooth muscular bodies on calendars, that kind of thing, but if I see another parade of fat pale hairy men in thongs I'll projectile puke them straight back to Germany, or if they also have beer to whichever frat party they escaped from ]

Labels: Rant, Slovenia