Nixta Sinks

The Joey Chestnut of Cupcakes


Nixta has moved.
Check out Nixtarolls: a tumblelog, idiot (and yes, you can comment)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Nixta drinks less. Stocks plummet, Booze reserves recover

Never do what Max von Sydow does, or says
Spurred on by my only comment of late (why has Haloscan stopped sending me e-mail notifications of comments?), I feel I ought to point out that the day of judgement may indeed be near, if the wisdom of Aaron Bueller is to be received.

Bear's Blood
I haven't quite given up drinking (although I did for a few weeks). However, as far as alcohol sales worldwide are concerned, I may as well have done. No longer will I keep Pol Roger in business. Stolichnaya will have to find another outlet for their rapidly increasing Orange flavour reserves. Baileys had to deal with the sudden drop in demand about 10 years ago, so they should find themselves with a distinct advantage now. Bear's Blood, it is safe to say, will continue to sell to the many Slovenians still in Slovenia.

Hell, I've even got over my highly principled boycott of bottled water (which as a confirmed commie I've always insisted is every government's responsibility to deliver for free) and am now keeping Perrier afloat with my ill-gotten gains. My advice. Buy stock in cranberry farms and soda-water producers.

My one major concern was that I would drink like a mad eastern-european teenager the moment I touched a drop again (I am reminded of Henry Sellers being shot by the police with a tranquiliser dart), but to my tremendous relief that hasn't happened. Far from it, I'm not really able to even finish a drink on most occasions.

Next, I will stop picking fights with unconscious hobos.

By 2043, I will be an utterly reformed character. I expect to be sainted, just like my trousers.

Labels: ,

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours? Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com