Nixta Sinks

What is the correct form for dealing with dumpster divers under your nose?

I'm throwing out the recycling down in the basement, and this old Chinese lady walks out of one of the rooms (it happens to be the laundry... what? it really did!) and as I'm throwing things into the paper and cardboard bin, starts to rummage around in it. Not from the other side, but so as to stop me throwing more stuff in there.

I just stood there filling an empty bag with stuff for that bin as I filled up the glass and plastic bins instead, then chucked it all in. She seemed so keen to read Sunday's news.

Labels: ettiquette, idiot, rules

Hippies! God Damned Hippies everywhere!

Thanks to the DMC again, I've had my mind blown once more by the utter stupidity of the human race.

In the book, a young impetuous horse (something of a douchebag pony bitch if you ask me) learns that doing drugs is bad, mmmmmkkkk?

That's about it. Actually, there's much more to this simplistic racist drivel, but frankly what scares me most is that the author has 8 children, and only two of them had by 1991 figured out how to escape her clutches.

Not surprisingly, the publisher, Vantage Press, is a vanity press, i. e. it makes money from authors paying to print books instead of actually selling them. There's basically no quality control whatsoever. http://www.vantagepress.com/

Read it if you dare. I wanted to laugh, but I was so busy crying inside that even my best clown training was all for naught.

Oh, and this after last night on the terrace at the Musical Box (I say "terrace", but those that know it will recognise my aggrandisement of the place) we were ousted by a bunch of Hippies with their twirly rags. One of them, once she'd figured out how to twirl them without punching herself in the face, actually said this as she flapped the two bits of fabric around the alternate reality that was her arse, face, and the pounds of unruly lard in-between:

"Yeah, this is great, I can feel the soul of the earth"

Hippies.

Labels: book, cartoon, idiot

It just gets better. Now, the Paris Hilton Express is derailing at full speed, careening into Al Sharpton's Circus Shed and God's Signalbox of Despair while American TV viewers are expected to forgive her for lying to them all these years. The rich-bitch witch ratfaced whiny little slapper jailbird took only a couple of days to find God.

"I used to act dumb. It was an act." Lying to set a an example where that example is stupidity? OK, fair enough, if you're a fuckfaced moron. What next?

"Sharpton said Hilton was given the star treatment because she is white and rich, and questioned whether a rapper would have been allowed to go home early." Pity him, Mr. T. Pity him. If he really referred to rappers, he should probably reassess his own stereotypes, but aside from that, won't someone stop him stealing all the toys from the sandpit? This one clearly isn't his, and doesn't he have enough of them already?

"My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail. God has released me." You know, everyone bemoans the Crusades and Holy Wars as a shameful travesty and a blight on European history, but perhaps if we're going to be blown up anyway, we should send people like the reformed Whore of Cable-TV (Cabylon didn't quite work) to the front lines. It could even assuage the extremists a little (after all, she's shamsymbolic of much of what they're railing against). She's not going to do any good finding God over here, that's for sure. I suggest a nice game of Celebrity Saviours, as described by Clive to Derek all those years ago...

CLIVE:
The one I ..... fucked and, er, nailed to the wall in Chiswick. Er, she was invited to, erm, 'Celebrity Saviours' .....
DEREK:
Yeah?
CLIVE:
In which, er, well-known people are-, are nailed up to the-, to the wall .....
DEREK:
(laughs)
CLIVE:
..... and the one who screams loudest, er, gets the prize but, er, she said that was, er, beneath her dignity.
DEREK:
Yeah, well .....
CLIVE:
I respect that view .....
DEREK:
(sniggers)
CLIVE:
..... but I still think she was a cunt not to take the money.

Labels: god, hilton, idiot, whore